,

A Simple Solution to Nighttime Overeating

,

You want to stop eating at night, but know this first

My client Lauren (not her real name) comes home from work starving, feeling like dinner can’t come soon enough. After dinner, she just keeps eating. She hates that she doesn’t taste the food she’s eating. After a long and busy day, this was the time for her to finally relax. And she was just numbing out with food (her words, not mine). 

At the end of the night, Lauren feels really guilty for overeating. One of the common reactions people have when they feel guilty about what they’ve eaten is to make a plan to do better next time. 

The plan can include things like: 

Tomorrow, I’ll work out (harder, longer).  

I’m going to drink more water. 

I’ll skip breakfast and not eat until noon. 

I’ll avoid all carbs. 

But here is what’s really happening. As Lauren and I reviewed what she was eating on a typical day, she shared that even though she ate breakfast, she was eating a light lunch with no carbohydrates. She only had a small piece of fruit before her dinner around 7 pm. 

If you’re eating like Lauren is, you’re not giving your body enough nourishment during the day. 

When dinner time comes, your body demands that you make up for the deficit. That’s why nighttime eating feels so urgent, like someone or something has taken over your body. In some ways, that’s exactly what’s happening. Your hunger is beyond comfortable. This is why it’s hard to pay attention to what you’re eating and how your food tastes. Another factor is that at the end of the day, you’re tired and no longer have the busyness of your day to distract you from hunger. As you wind down, you don’t have the energy to fight off the hunger signals any longer. And, as you slow down and start to wind down, you start to notice the sensations in your body with more acuteness. 

Without realizing it, nighttime overeating can be a painful cycle. You’re trying to be good during the day and eating the “right” foods. Or, you’re not taking the time to eat enough. As a result, at dinner time, you have to eat more. The guilt and even shame you feel for overeating may drive you to restrict what you’re eating the next day. Come dinner time, you’re back where you started. Overeating at night. 

There is a simple solution to break this cycle. Eat 75% of the nourishment you need before 5 pm. If you think about your day in terms of quarters, you need most of your nourishment before dinner time. Here are some ideas: 

As you consider each meal and snack, try including protein and carbohydrates. Despite the latest diet craze that demonizes carbs, we need carbohydrates to properly fuel our bodies. 

Eat breakfast. 

Eat lunch. 

Add in a mid-morning snack and a mid-afternoon snack. 

If this is a big change for you, take your time. Make small changes over time. Or, if you feel uncertain or a bit nervous about making this change, experiment for 5 days and see how it goes for you.

If eating the majority of your calories before 5pm feels impossible, let me offer you another option. Forgive yourself for night time eating. It’s not the end of the world that you’re overeating at night. Honor your body for knowing how to stay in balance. And don’t beat yourself up when you do it. 


, ,

I Thought Self-Care Was Bullshit

, ,

Until this changed my mind

I used to hate the idea of self-care. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Bubble baths. Spa days. Pedicures. A big glass of red wine. When I talked to women about how they took care of themselves, the typical response was "I don't have time for that." They were waiting for the rare weekend they had a few moments without family or work responsibilities or the week-long beach vacation to check that self-care box off their to-do list. 

I also wondered why self-care was just marketed to women. Every other email I received from wellness publications and health coaches beat the self-care drum. Why didn’t my kids need self-care? Why wasn't my husband concerned about having enough time for himself? My skeptical brain saw self-care as another thing women could feel guilty about because they couldn’t fit into their busy schedules.

Self-care seemed like fluff that busy, working women had no time for. 

But yet, I know that everyone, regardless of gender or age, needs time for rest and play. Humans weren't put on this earth to be working machines. Downtime isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. I just couldn't get on board with how self-care was talked about and presented to me. 

My mind changed around self-care when I understood two things. 

Firstly, self-care isn't about what you do, but about prioritizing caring for yourself and seeing yourself as worth caring for. You’re worthy of proper health care and getting enough sleep, among many other things. 

A friend confided in me that she hadn't seen a dentist for over 5 years while she was raising her young children and working in corporate America. Boy, I get that. I'm sure her kids didn’t miss a check-up at their pediatricians and I'm sure her boss loved that she rarely missed a deadline. But, it took her a long while to sort out that having her teeth cleaned and caring for herself was a priority only she could make. Her husband wasn't booking that appointment for her. Her boss wasn't scooting her out the door at 2 pm on a Tuesday. She needed to do that herself. 

Secondly, self-care extends well beyond freshly painted toenails and tinted eyebrows. Both of those things make me feel better. But you know what supports me? Allowing myself to rest when I’m tired. Having regular conversations with my body and asking her what she needs at this moment. Sitting in stillness regularly and allowing new ideas to pop in. Trusting myself. Booking an appointment for my yearly skin scan with my dermatologist. Taking a long shower. 

Self-care isn’t about what it looks like, it’s about how it feels. 

Your relationship with food can be self-care. 

When clients come to me, they feel disconnected from their bodies when it comes to food and exercise. They’ve been on dozens of diets and are trying to eat the “right” thing. What's really happening is they are punishing their body and they're using food and exercise as weapons. 

Giving your body enough food is caring for your body. Choosing foods you enjoy is an act of love. Feeling satisfied after a meal is self-care. When you're caring for yourself, guilt and shame get replaced with self-compassion. 

If you’ve been avoiding or have been critical of the idea of self-care like I was, join me in a mind shift. Your relationship with food and exercise is an awesome place to start. 

Here are some of just a few ways you can bring in new self-care practices: 

  • Stop weighing yourself. 

  • Give yourself permission to eat a variety of foods. 

  • Discover what types of movement you enjoy and feel good to you. 

  • Notice when you feel tired and let yourself rest or nap. 

  • Take a few moments every day to be outside. 

  • Start to tune in to hunger signals. This article may help. 

  • Create a morning routine. This article may help. 

  • If you’ve been dieting regularly, become aware of the negative emotional and physical side effects. Learn more here. 

Self-care isn't a box to check off. Its transformational. Take it from this once skeptic.  






,

You Weren’t Put on This Earth To Have a Thin or Perfect Body

,

When it comes to your health, food and your body, dieting and pursuing weight loss aren’t your only options. 

For decades, I never thought I had a choice but to try to make my body smaller. I learned at a young age that I shouldn’t be eating certain foods and that exercise was a way for me to keep my weight down. 

I never challenged the idea. And in a super judgy way, I felt better about myself that I was so committed to my health. I'd be proud of my juicer, the smoothies I carried around with me, and my to-go bags of celery and carrot sticks. 

Yet, eating “healthy” and being “good” wasn’t something I could do all of the time. I’m sure you can relate. I overate and binged a few times a week. If my husband and I got take out on the weekend, I'd always over do it so my belly felt way too uncomfortably full. If I started to eat chocolate, cookies or brownies, I couldn't stop myself from eating way too much. 

This is the trap that many dieters are in. It’s nearly impossible to stay on a diet. Overeating and going off the diet is just inevitable. Yet, when you don’t realize you have another choice, what do you do? 

You keep trying other diets, hoping a new one will work. 

Because diet culture convinces us the diets do work, you may blame yourself when they don’t work for you. 

Yet, the research is clear that diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years. 

You may even say “screw it” and just decide to not pay close attention to how you’re eating and how food makes you feel. You refuse to diet, even though a part of you still wants to lose weight. You may feel like you’re betraying yourself. 

To get yourself out of this trap, you need to know you have another option when it comes to food and your health. 

You can eat a wide variety of foods that you enjoy and not feel guilty about eating. 

You can tune into your body’s hunger and fullness signals and allow them to guide how you eat. 

By letting go of trying to control food, you can allow food to be a source of joy, nourishment and satisfaction. 

This option exists! 

When you practice this, you will reclaim time and energy and feel peaceful around food. 

One Reason You Can’t Lose Weight

** Friends, I’m not a weight loss coach. I take a weight-neutral approach in my work, which means I advocate for you to thrive in your life with your body at any size. 

In this post, I am talking about the complexity of weight loss. I’m not advocating for weight loss or sharing with you tips or tricks on how to lose weight. I’m not implying you need to lose weight. **

In my early 30’s I joined a commercial diet plan and lost a good deal of weight in a short time. 

This was right around my birthday, so my husband took me on a shopping spree. I got to “celebrate” my smaller body with cute clothes. 

Everyone noticed, including my step-father who said “Tara, there isn’t going to be much left of you.” 

Thanks to diet culture, we’ve learned to celebrate and acknowledge weight loss and thin bodies. Way to go, they say, keep up the good work. You look so beautiful, they say. 

You know all of this and probably have experienced it first hand.

Yet, the impact of these comments goes deeper than you imagine. 

What we likely hear is, what was wrong with my body before I lost weight? Was I that disgusting before? 

But, we also FEEL the watchful eyes on our bodies. As they notice our body weight, we immediately feel judged. Even if their comments seem kind and encouraging. The comments imply that our thin body is worth more than our bigger body.  

When it felt like all eyes were on me (after weight loss), I was on high alert. I was anticipating the next comment and trying to be prepared. When I wasn’t expecting it, the comment would arrive and I wish I could cover my head, pull my knees to my chest and hide under a blanket. 

Our body knows when it’s being judged. Now I know what was happening to me. My body was in a state of fight and freeze. 

Comments on your body or comments made to you about other bodies likely put you on high alert, make you feel judged, and trigger a shame response. 

A shame response is how your body reacts when it perceives a threat and tries to keep you safe (fight/ flight or freeze). 

As you’ve been living in this dynamic for most of your life, in the back of your mind you may be thinking, I need to lose weight. I want to drop 10 pounds. I want to finally get thinner. 

But, is it safe for you to lose weight? 

No. It’s not. 

A part of you may be saying: 

Don’t see me because I’m not lovable the way I am. 

Don’t see me because I’m not safe when you see me. 

This is why weight loss is so complex. 

Because there is a part of your mind and body that knows that your thinner body will only get more attention. It may be “positive” attention on the surface, but it’s still judgment. 

And that attention doesn’t create safety in your body. It does the opposite. It creates fear. When we feel fear, our nervous system automatically responds. We can’t override it, no matter how hard we try. 

There is a good chance that you’ve been blaming yourself for your weight loss failures. You may be wondering if you just haven't found the right diet yet that will work for you. You’ve been wondering how to find more discipline and motivation to eat the “right” way. 

Besides the fact that 95% of diets only lead to weight gain in the long term, you’ve likely been living with inner conflict around being safely seen in your body. 

Every human wants to be seen, and feel loved, just the way they are. 

Diet culture convinces us that weight loss is the way to feel loved. But the only way to feel loved is to live and feel safe in our bodies.

Is Sheltering in Place Starting To Feel Really Uncomfortable? Here’s Why…

Have you ever practiced yin yoga? I'll confess. When I first practiced yin, it was a huge struggle for me.

Unlike my familiar, sweaty and heated power yoga practice where I flow from one pose to the other, yin yoga is all about staying in a pose for what can feel like eternity. Poses last four, five, and sometimes even, ten minutes long.

When practicing yin, it wouldn't take long for me to get so uncomfortable. I'd get restless. My hips would scream at me. I'd start building a case in my mind for why yin was a waste of time. Why stay and hold a pose when I could move and sweat? All I wanted to do was move, but I had to stay.

What To Do When Your in the Eye of the COVD-19 Storm

I’m feeling it. Are you feeling it?

I’d like to offer some insight amidst this COVD-19 storm, which is a bit more than to wash your hands and to cover your mouth when you cough. I also shared this in a video and you can watch it here.

Notice the storm.

We’re in the eye of a storm. Our homes may feel peaceful, yet on the outside there's turbulence. Airports are freakishly quiet. Our social feeds are blowing up with opinions, updates and statistics. Events are getting cancelled. Our college kids are coming home unexpectedly to take their classes on-line. Our stock markets are taking a massive dive.

I find it helpful to see the turbulence for what it is and then name it. It’s outside of us. And, yes! It’s a bit crazy!

What Would It Be Like To Not Feel So Guilty After You Overate?

My experiences with overeating would all start innocently enough. I was tired and needed some energy. In college, I’d be up late studying. When I worked in public accounting, I’d be grinding it out with my team late into the evening. When I worked in corporate accounting, I’d be working on a project at home while my husband was already in bed and my toddlers were long asleep.

I’d start with a small piece of chocolate or a cookie. Just enough to give me a boost. And then, before I knew it, one Hershey Kiss would turn into 20. One cookie would turn into 6. Not only did school or work have me stressed out, I now felt guilty and terrified because of all that I just ate.

Overeating can feel so shameful.

The Side Effects of Food Struggles That No One Talks About

For many of my clients, the successful first diet is seared into their memory like their first kiss. A memory of the time when they got into their skinny jeans, worked hard to achieve a goal, and felt so healthy.

Diets have a lure of confidence. Willing to be bold. Assured. Diets promise dieters will feel good about themselves when the weight finally comes off.

But, there is a side effect of reaching goal weight that people rarely talk about.

Why It's Best to Stay in Your Comfort Zone

We’ve all heard of the motivational saying “get out of your comfort zone, it’s where the magic happens“. I’ve even said it to my yoga students back in the day.

And doesn’t it make sense? If we want something to change in our lives, we need to try something new and different. Which, often means, getting uncomfortable.

A few weeks back, my husband and I were on our way to the summit ofAngel’s Landing in Zion National Park. We were over 5,000 ft high when we walked along a very narrow 10 foot long edge. There was nothing on either side of us. No trees, no ledge.

There I was, way outside of my comfort zone. My fear was thick and tangible and I had a hard time noticing my breath. I was trying this hike for the first time. I was pushing past my fear.

And guess what? No magic. None. Not one little bit.

We are all trying to stay motivated, create great things in our lives, and take our health, finances and businesses to the next level.

Yet, getting out of our comfort zone has been misinterpreted to mean set aside our fears, work tirelessly, push and push more, and never give up. For example, these weight loss coaches and fitness experts are telling us to stop being lazy, don’t give up, and don’t be scared.

I’m calling bullshit. I don’t need to tell you how condescending these messages are.

Friends on social media and some of my clients get up at the crack of dawn to work out, have given up or dramatically limited certain food groups from their diets, and have been desperate to find a diet solution that will work. They are truly outside of their comfort zone.

And instead of receiving magic, they get to be exhausted and overwhelmed. And they wonder, how much more uncomfortable do I need to be for good things to happen?

I thanked my lucky stars when Mark and I were both back in our comfort zone. About ⅓ of the hike was enough for us. It was then that I noticed the sign. There have been 10 deaths on Angel’s Landing since 2004. Just this past November, a 19 year old woman had fallen off the trail and died.

The truth is, magic can happen in our comfort zone. We don’t need to believe these taunts that we need to be doing more and smashing our fears for good things to happen.

Amazing things happen when we are confidently connected to ourselves and our bodies. And that, is the best place to be.

Feeling like something is wrong with you when it comes to getting healthy? Here’s why…

Dude, your generation is in bad shape.

When I ate this way, I felt like my body was levitating.

Vegetables are a waste of time.

Berries are the answer to curing cancer.

Anxiety and depression aren’t real.

These were just a FEW of the comments that my husband and I sadly, couldn’t help but overhear in a tiny coffee shop outside of Zion National Park last week.

We were trying to enjoy our breakfast when a couple started sharing their health opinions and recommendations to a mother and her adult son.

I could feel the heat of anger in my chest. My mind was debating; stay and politely tell them to be quiet or pack up our meal and leave? Instead, shocked and hoping the conversation would soon stop, we sat and endured. Not so coincidentally, my breakfast was tasteless and bland.

Our encounter with this over sharing health advice couple seemed a bit like taking a trip to Crazy Town.

We inherently know we would never tell someone who to vote for. Or where to pray. Those choices are personal and private.

When it comes to advice around food, things get sticky. We’ve been told that eating in a certain way can improve our health, and in some cases, cure disease. We’ve even seen documentaries on Netflix and bought the books of those that have increased their athletic performance, cured their cancer, and reduced symptoms of autism because of their diet. Wow! Receiving advice on what to eat doesn’t seem to be something to take lightly. Based on some accounts, what we eat may really change our life.

Yet, what happens to the majority of the people like you and I, that don’t necessarily need to cure ourselves from autoimmune or a thyroid condition, and just want to feel better?

The problem is that the majority of the health advice around food that we read in books, online and in our social feeds comes in the form of a diet. Please know, they may tell you their plan is just a lifestyle change, but, it’s still a diet.

Diets offer us rules to follow, like what to eat (hello, whole 30), when to eat (thank you, intermittent fasters), and how much to eat (like Weight Watchers and calorie trackers).

Our bodies and our minds are NOT designed to diet. When we restrict our caloric intake, our body reacts by demanding larger quantities of food and our minds are preoccupied with when our next meal will arrive. Thank goodness! We are designed to not let ourselves starve.

Diets result in long term weight gain, decreased metabolism, muscle mass and levels of leptin (the hormone that triggers signs of fullness).

Diets harm our bodies, but more importantly, when we can’t stick to the rules of a diet, we feel like we’re failing. We feel like we could be eating better. We feel disgusted when we get out of control around food. And because most diets are health advice in disguise, we may feel like we are failing at keeping ourselves healthy, fit and set to live a long life.

The truth is we’ve been living in Crazy Town, where diet culture barrages us with advice, rules and fairytale stories on how to improve our health by eating in a way that fights against the natural instincts of our minds and bodies. It’s very hard to recognize at times, but so important that we do.

At one point, the son at the coffee shop asked the man, do you always eat this way? He said, Oh no man, it’s so hard. I slip up all of the time. I have to work really hard at it.

We all want the same thing. We want to be healthy, happy and live a long active life. Getting there means we need to create our own unique path of vitality and wellness. Maybe this man, even though he’s sharing all of his Crazy Town health advice, also feels like he’s doing it wrong and that he’s failing at his health because he’s not doing it perfectly.

Crazy Town doesn’t give anyone a get out of jail free card. Our only immunity is recognizing it around us.

He (said he) had a breakfast burrito in a take out bag. I just hope he enjoyed the hell out of it.

Believing in Magic

My husband has been sharing the Few Good Men Santa Parody to anyone who will watch it with him, which had me thinking about Santa and believing in magic.

I was one of those kids that believed in Santa Claus well into middle school. I didn’t shout from the rooftops, but instead, kept my it quietly to myself. If kids talked in the lunchroom or on the bus around not believing, I would stay silent. No need to argue with them, I thought. They were just misinformed.

I was in awe with the mystery of Santa and his inhuman ability to travel across the world at lightning speed in one single day and witness (and judge) the behavior of children without knowing them.

Because the story of Santa was told by my elders, in TV shows, and in well-known books, I had a hard time believing they were not telling me the truth. A young and naive part of me didn't want to acknowledge their deception, well-meaning or not.

Despite evidence to the contrary, I loved believing in the merry and joyful spirit of Santa. Because of that, I held onto the belief that I wanted to believe for much longer than my peers did.

I also used to believe in diets and the need to lose weight. I lost weight on Weight Watchers in my early thirties and shared with friends and family how I did it. I stepped on a scale weekly, carefully monitoring my progress toward my goal. I read Shape magazine and religiously followed their advice. I bought countless diet books that I wouldn’t have called diet books. I called them ways to get lean and healthy.

For decades, I believed that I would be happier and healthier if I was thinner. I believed in the magic of weight loss.

Yet, there was evidence that the magic of weight loss didn't exist. When I was dieting and restricting, I was obsessed with what I weighed. My mind was always on food. I was always questioning myself and wondered if I could be eating better and exercising harder. I was always seeking, determined to find someone who could tell me how I could get thin. All of this was freakin' exhausting. Was this health? Was this happiness? If so, how come the sacrifices were so great?

When I started doubting the magic of weight loss, I had to question many well educated and authoritative experts that claimed to know so much about nutrition, health, transformation, and weight loss. I had to acknowledge their deception, purposeful or not.

This path of health, weight loss and food is so conflicting and confusing, isn't it { } ? How are you coping and navigating it?

When I was believing in the magic of weight loss, I was really believing in the spirit of our highest health and well-being.

I knew that the magic of weight loss doesn't exist when I realized that our vitality can't be measured in terms of pounds or dress size. It has to be felt in our hearts and bodies.

We know that the magic of Christmas doesn't come in packages, red suits or just arrives on December 25th. The magic of Christmas lives within us. Just like our highest health and well-being does.