Until this changed my mind
I used to hate the idea of self-care. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Bubble baths. Spa days. Pedicures. A big glass of red wine. When I talked to women about how they took care of themselves, the typical response was "I don't have time for that." They were waiting for the rare weekend they had a few moments without family or work responsibilities or the week-long beach vacation to check that self-care box off their to-do list.
I also wondered why self-care was just marketed to women. Every other email I received from wellness publications and health coaches beat the self-care drum. Why didn’t my kids need self-care? Why wasn't my husband concerned about having enough time for himself? My skeptical brain saw self-care as another thing women could feel guilty about because they couldn’t fit into their busy schedules.
Self-care seemed like fluff that busy, working women had no time for.
But yet, I know that everyone, regardless of gender or age, needs time for rest and play. Humans weren't put on this earth to be working machines. Downtime isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. I just couldn't get on board with how self-care was talked about and presented to me.
My mind changed around self-care when I understood two things.
Firstly, self-care isn't about what you do, but about prioritizing caring for yourself and seeing yourself as worth caring for. You’re worthy of proper health care and getting enough sleep, among many other things.
A friend confided in me that she hadn't seen a dentist for over 5 years while she was raising her young children and working in corporate America. Boy, I get that. I'm sure her kids didn’t miss a check-up at their pediatricians and I'm sure her boss loved that she rarely missed a deadline. But, it took her a long while to sort out that having her teeth cleaned and caring for herself was a priority only she could make. Her husband wasn't booking that appointment for her. Her boss wasn't scooting her out the door at 2 pm on a Tuesday. She needed to do that herself.
Secondly, self-care extends well beyond freshly painted toenails and tinted eyebrows. Both of those things make me feel better. But you know what supports me? Allowing myself to rest when I’m tired. Having regular conversations with my body and asking her what she needs at this moment. Sitting in stillness regularly and allowing new ideas to pop in. Trusting myself. Booking an appointment for my yearly skin scan with my dermatologist. Taking a long shower.
Self-care isn’t about what it looks like, it’s about how it feels.
Your relationship with food can be self-care.
When clients come to me, they feel disconnected from their bodies when it comes to food and exercise. They’ve been on dozens of diets and are trying to eat the “right” thing. What's really happening is they are punishing their body and they're using food and exercise as weapons.
Giving your body enough food is caring for your body. Choosing foods you enjoy is an act of love. Feeling satisfied after a meal is self-care. When you're caring for yourself, guilt and shame get replaced with self-compassion.
If you’ve been avoiding or have been critical of the idea of self-care like I was, join me in a mind shift. Your relationship with food and exercise is an awesome place to start.
Here are some of just a few ways you can bring in new self-care practices:
Stop weighing yourself.
Give yourself permission to eat a variety of foods.
Discover what types of movement you enjoy and feel good to you.
Notice when you feel tired and let yourself rest or nap.
Take a few moments every day to be outside.
Start to tune in to hunger signals. This article may help.
Create a morning routine. This article may help.
If you’ve been dieting regularly, become aware of the negative emotional and physical side effects. Learn more here.
Self-care isn't a box to check off. Its transformational. Take it from this once skeptic.