You know all too well who you "should" be...
Put together.
Smart.
Nice.
Healthy.
Hard working.
You shouldn't let anyone down, especially not your loved ones. You shouldn't let a deadline slip or have an out of control laundry room. You shouldn't eat "crap" food and you should be exercising regularly.
When our "shoulds” pile up, they feel overwhelming. And, because there are so many of them, we can never meet all of those expectations and be the right person for everyone else. That can make us feel guilty and like we are always doing something wrong.
There is another option.
Recognizing your ideal self and expanding her. Seeing your struggles and acknowledging the wisdom in them. Bringing a compassionate voice to your doubts and fears. Letting go of the "ideals'' that others have created for you and crafting your own standards. Connecting with your true self is the best gift you can give to yourself and the world.
Oh, I recognize this is easier said than done. But I wanted to offer you a different approach to how you design your New Year’s resolutions, goals and intentions. Essentially, the person we think we should be is that “perfect” person. That perfect person is acceptable, lovable and successful. No wonder we’ve been striving for that.
In my forthcoming book, I share many stories of how I tried to be “perfect”. I’d straighten my curly hair when I went to important client meetings, so I could present myself as more “put together”. I’d stay up well past the kids went to bed to meet a work deadline.
But, where has striving for this ideal gotten us?
Exhausted. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Feeling like a failure. But when we are more ourselves, we get to relax and feel the true confidence that comes from knowing that we don’t need fixing.