Yesterday, a friend casually mentioned her negative self-talk to me as “the committee that wakes me up at 2 a.m. to tell me what I should and should not be doing”.

If there is one thing that's universal about the human experience, we all have negative thoughts.

You've prepared for an important meeting and you're as ready as you'll ever be. As you take a seat around the conference table, your inner voice starts chatting. What if you forget the important points? What if someone asks you a question you don't have the answer to? Your negative inner monologue questions you and fills you with self-doubts.

In my last post, I shared how important it is to pay attention to this inner voice. Simply notice it and be aware of it. As unpleasant as that may be.

Now that you're aware of it, what's happening here? Why does that voice jump in during these crucial times when it's the last thing you need?

You may be surprised to know that this voice has a very clear purpose. It may make you feel anxious and worried, but that’s not what it’s there for.

Your negative self-talk wants to protect you.

We have an internal mechanism that detects threats. When a threat is detected, our nervous system will react in a way to protect us.

When you’re about to give your presentation, a part of you may be anticipating that the folks in the room are judging or criticizing you. Or when you’re in a new situation that feels unfamiliar, a part of you feels uncertain and insecure about what will happen next. Your body detects these situations as a threat.

We typically react to threats in a few ways by…

Shutting down. You may feel numb and dulled.
Getting angry at others or yourself.
Trying to please or appease those around you.
Checking out mentally or emotionally. You distract yourself and focus on something else.

These are ways we freeze, please, flee and fight.

These reactions are unconscious and automatic responses happening inside your body. You can’t get rid of them.

This is why noticing your inner committee is so important. You’re fighting yourself when you try to get rid of this voice. Instead of seeing your safety mechanism as a problem, you can see it in a new way.

By partnering with this voice, you can better understand yourself and how you’re reacting in certain situations. I’ll be sharing strategies and tools to work with this negative voice. Stay tuned.

What’s going on inside of your head?

Is it crowded with negative self-talk?

❗️ I can't do this.

❗️I need to try harder.

❓ What’s wrong with me?

⛔️ They can't see me (or my work).

❗️They think I’m …. (dumb, wrong, an idiot, bad).

We’ve all heard our fair share about positive thinking and all of its benefits.

Before you even try to think positively, are you noticing the thoughts you’re having?

There is a good chance you’re not. And even if you are, you may not feel how hurtful the words are.

There are a few reasons for this.

1️⃣ These words are familiar to you because you’ve been speaking to yourself like this for a long time.

2️⃣ You try not to dwell on these thoughts and work to move past them quickly.

3️⃣ You try to be a positive person and don’t want to acknowledge that these thoughts fill your mind.

There is a part of you that doesn’t like it when you speak to yourself so harshly. Rightfully so.

But you can’t change something you don’t know is there.

So first, I invite you to pay attention. Get curious. How do you speak to yourself? This isn’t meant to be an exercise for you to judge your thoughts. Just notice the conversations you’re having. It may be interesting to write them down.

Over the next few posts, I’m going to offer you some insight into what your negative self-talk is all about, how it works, the purpose it serves, and most importantly, what to do about it (it’s not the advice you’ve already read).

You Can’t Ever Get Rid of That Negative Voice. Here’s Why.

Is Your Mind Crowded with Negative Self-talk?