Yesterday, a friend casually mentioned her negative self-talk to me as “the committee that wakes me up at 2 a.m. to tell me what I should and should not be doing”.
If there is one thing that's universal about the human experience, we all have negative thoughts.
You've prepared for an important meeting and you're as ready as you'll ever be. As you take a seat around the conference table, your inner voice starts chatting. What if you forget the important points? What if someone asks you a question you don't have the answer to? Your negative inner monologue questions you and fills you with self-doubts.
In my last post, I shared how important it is to pay attention to this inner voice. Simply notice it and be aware of it. As unpleasant as that may be.
Now that you're aware of it, what's happening here? Why does that voice jump in during these crucial times when it's the last thing you need?
You may be surprised to know that this voice has a very clear purpose. It may make you feel anxious and worried, but that’s not what it’s there for.
Your negative self-talk wants to protect you.
We have an internal mechanism that detects threats. When a threat is detected, our nervous system will react in a way to protect us.
When you’re about to give your presentation, a part of you may be anticipating that the folks in the room are judging or criticizing you. Or when you’re in a new situation that feels unfamiliar, a part of you feels uncertain and insecure about what will happen next. Your body detects these situations as a threat.
We typically react to threats in a few ways by…
Shutting down. You may feel numb and dulled.
Getting angry at others or yourself.
Trying to please or appease those around you.
Checking out mentally or emotionally. You distract yourself and focus on something else.
These are ways we freeze, please, flee and fight.
These reactions are unconscious and automatic responses happening inside your body. You can’t get rid of them.
This is why noticing your inner committee is so important. You’re fighting yourself when you try to get rid of this voice. Instead of seeing your safety mechanism as a problem, you can see it in a new way.
By partnering with this voice, you can better understand yourself and how you’re reacting in certain situations. I’ll be sharing strategies and tools to work with this negative voice. Stay tuned.