How to Eat Mindfully

I’ve made this amazing shift in how I eat most of my meals. For the most part, I no longer eating frantically, standing up, on the run, and without paying any attention to what I eat or how much of it shove in my mouth. I’ve embraced a new way that has brought me so much connection and vitality. Eating for me is now like moving through a yoga class. Now, I eat with intention. I make the choice to eat. I choose what I eat based on what I want and know will serve me well.

I give eating my full attention. I sit down and take a few deep breaths. My body relaxes. I put my cell phone away and turn my laptop and IPad off. I am here to eat.

With every bite, I spend the time to notice. With all of my attention on what I am eating, the tastes and textures are sometimes big and complex and sometimes so simple.

Like a beautifully timed child’s pose, I naturally take a few breaths in between bites. These are moments I take time to check back in and notice my body.

I naturally stop eating. Sometimes there is nothing left on my plate. Sometimes a few bites remain. My body simply says “just enough”.

Sometimes, my mind wants more and my body says stop. There may be a bit of a wrestling match. I notice that too. There is no perfect answer. With awareness, I consciously make a choice; continue to eat or stop. I practice keeping it simple.

I have finished eating, but I stay seated and invite in a few deep breaths. It’s like shavasana; a time for my body to integrate with the food I just nourished it with. These are the sweetest and most tender moments.

I spent years eating too much or not eating enough. I was lost without a diet or a set of rules to offer me the answers. Thankfully, the power of my yoga practice has opened my mind and guided me to a new way that focuses around being intentional and mindful. Eating now is an opportunity for connection instead of a process filled with uncertainty and numbing. I am so grateful for my practice. Namaste.

Practice Makes Possible

I got into my first forearm stand the other day. I was probably only up for about 5 seconds, but it felt like it could have been a lot longer. If you asked me about doing a forearm stand 6 months ago, I would have said that forearm stand isn’t for me, after all, my left shoulder if still pretty tight after my rotator cuff surgery. You may have accepted my explanation with a bit of sympathy and understanding. And I would have moved on with my life never knowing the experience of forearm stand. So what changed? I started to practice forearm stand. Simple right? It’s not magic. I just chose to try instead of choosing not to try. But, there were a few things I needed in place while I practiced. If you are ready to take on something you didn’t think possible, here is what you may need too.

You need courage. I have seen so many brand new yogis come into Seacoast Power Yoga this past week and it has been so inspiring. Some are teen girls and boys, some folks over 60. They show up with no mats and no fancy yoga clothes. Imagine that. They have courage. They may have been nervous, a little scared and pretty certain they didn’t know how it was going to go, but they came in to try a class anyway.

You need to let yourself suck. Toddlers don’t generally go from crawling to sprinting. They stand, take a step and sit down. They fall…a lot! And then they get up again. When I started practicing forearm stand, I was okay with not having a Yoga Journal cover worthy pose right away. Start practicing from where you are, despite how it looks and despite how many times you may stumble and fall.

You need to be consistent. When I first started blogging, I Googled- how to become a better writer. Well, this may sound profound. Site after site pretty much said that to become a better writer you need to write.  Every day for 30 minutes. The more I write, the more comfortable I am doing it.

You need to be awesome, not perfect. My daughter was hand-cutting cat shaped cookies the other night. They were awesome because they were all different shapes and sizes. Perfect can be boring and very uninteresting. When I’ve tried hard to make things perfect, all I have gotten was exhaustion. Do your best and let that be enough.

You need to not be attached to the result. By all means, practice with a goal or intention in mind. But then let it go. When we get so attached to the outcome, we lose sight of why the outcome is so important to us to begin with. Sure, I wanted to get into forearm stand. By practicing every week, I got to know my strength and discovered what adjustments I needed in my body. The confidence and connection I gained is much more valuable than getting into the pose itself.

You need to play. Abby, a yogi at the studio loves playing in her practice. Before and after every class, she is upside doing something fun with a big smile on her face. I love watching how lightly she takes herself, especially on that rare occasion when she falls out of a pose. Falling isn’t failing; it’s another opportunity to try again. Make it fun and light.

Practicing is something you must do, because it tests, defies and ultimately blows up the limits you have placed on yourself. I have experienced first hand how excuses, or put another way- seemingly rational reasons, on why not to practice have stood in my way of experiencing myself powerfully. I could go through my whole life without doing forearm stand. But instead, I now know the formula for doing something I didn’t think I initially could. Today, I am happy to celebrate my success. But the practice never stops. Tomorrow, I will practice again.

The Missing Piece To Your Health

When we think of increasing our health and vitality, we might think about what we are eating, how much sleep or sex we are having, the workout that we said we were going to start and really stick to, or planning a spectacular vacation. But there is one important component that we may not even realize we have or that is missing from our life. Do we see ourselves as part of group where we feel a connection is the foundation to our wellbeing and living a fulfilled life?

Oxford Dictionary defines community as “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals”. According to Oxford, to be part of a community, one does not have to sign a legal contract, live in a certain place, or formally be part of a specific group of people. Oxford implies that community lies in the experience of the person defining their community. Community is in the eyes of the beholder.

When Seacoast Power Yoga celebrated its 3^rd year anniversary, over 50 of us gathered to mark the milestone with lots of laughter, sweat and gratitude. Although each of us have different experiences of our community, by showing up to celebrate, everyone was offering themselves and giving themselves at the same time. Many students have shared with me personally; the community of Seacoast Power Yoga has made their lives better. And in my view, it’s because each of them chose to be a part of it.

Here are a few reasons why communities make such a big difference in our lives:

~Community gives people a place to belong. Whether you are 12, 25 or 83, people want to be a part of something. Not everyone has a job they love. Not everyone has a family life that is full of nourishment and connection. A community can be a place where you share something in common or work toward a common goal. Or it can be something that you are just a part of because of where you live or some place you go regularly. I’ve stopped by our Newfields General Store early in the morning and there is a group of men that get their coffee every morning standing around chatting. Community can be both formal and informal.

~Community supports the human connection. People need to be seen and heard in real time. The complexity of our lives is increasing and when our phone calls or lunch dates with friends have been replaced with texts, Instagram comments and Facebook messages, getting in the same room with other people is more important than ever.

~Community supports courage. This may be a sweeping assumption, but taking risks are something that many of us don’t take lightly. Having a community in our corner cheering us on or knowing they will be there if we stumble can make the difference between taking a leap or staying where we are. It’s like jumping off a cliff with a safety net.

~Community offers love and support. After my shoulder surgery, friends and neighbors brought us homemade dinners for a week. It was such so nice and the kids absolutely loved it. People were thinking of us and doing what they could to make things better. My husband and I have also pulled together some meals for friends that could use the break from cooking to focus on their health and healing. It feels great to receive the support and it also feels great to offer the support.

The afternoon of the yoga studio’s anniversary celebration, I flew to Colorado to attend a yoga conference with 400 other yogis with my teacher, Baron Baptiste. I met up with and hung out with old friends but I also made many new ones. I didn’t just show up, I put myself out there and made a point to connect. It was 3 days of fun and I was so filled up by the whole experience. The Baptiste community is always there, but I made the conscious choice to be part of it. I chose to invest in the community and in turn invest in myself.

Communities are like gardens. The more care and attention the garden is given, the more it offers in beauty and bounty. Look around and see the communities that you are already a part of. Make that conscious choice to not only see the community as yours but also to nurture it. Your life will be all the better for it.

Loving Not Being Right

I was so excited this past Friday. One of my yoga students is a running coach for a team of school age girls. We arranged a special class just for them and I couldn’t wait to teach these girls (ages 8-11) yoga. I also planned for my daughter Anna, who is 7, to come along with me. I thought it would be fun to have her take a class with girls close to her age.  At the last minute, Anna asked to bring a friend and we picked her up on the way to the studio.

As we waited for the other girls to arrive, Anna and her friend were very helpful as they set up the mats, blocks and straps. They also had a nice time trying some new yoga poses and just goofing around. After the team of girls arrived, Anna’s behavior quickly went south. She clearly had the “I’m not up for listening to Mom” type of attitude and was often doing things on her mat that were completely different than the rest of the group. She was giggling, over the top silly and pretty disruptive.

My mind went into a crazy tail spin. I found myself wanting to be available and enthusiastic with the girls from the team, but at the same time, angry, and frustrated with Anna. I ended up removing Anna and her friend from class, but often still had to check on them and tell them to keep quiet. No matter how many glaring looks of “you are in trouble and wait until we get home” I shot in Anna’s direction, she wasn’t seeing them.  At the same time, the girls from the team were awesome. They were focused, enthusiastic, and willing and I was having a blast teaching them.

We got in the car after class and I think you could probably see the steam coming out of my ears. I talked to Anna and her friend about respect and what kind of situation they put me in. After all, they distracted me from my class in my yoga studio, right? I even told Anna that she had lost her screen time privilege’s for the day, maybe for the full weekend, and maybe even for the whole week! I even told her that I wasn’t going to bring her back into the yoga studio again. And of course, this last part completely broke my heart.  I want my daughter to be a big part of my yoga studio and not forbid her from being there.

I caught up with my Mom after and when I told her what happened all she had to say was- Anna was just looking for your attention.  Yes, but she shouldn’t be behaving that way in my yoga studio, right?  I’m right… right? Over the next few hours, I started to think about what it was like for Anna to be in the studio with all of those girls receiving all of my attention. The next morning, Anna and I had a chat that started with me asking her what it was like for her to be in that yoga class? She said, “well Mommy, when you were coming around showing the poses, you only spent a few minutes with me and more time with the other girls”. She was right. We talked about what could happen next time for her to get the attention from me that she wanted and behave in a way that I could give my attention to her and the full class. She said she wanted to help me teach. I love that idea.

Needing to be right is a relationship crusher. It crushes us off from having a more loving relationship or a relationship at all with family, friends, work colleagues and anyone we want to connect with. When we get hurt, we may automatically feel a need to defend ourselves, to prove our point and to make us the good guy and “them” the bad guy. I was hurt by Anna’s actions during class.  As her mother, I believe I need to teach Anna how to behave in a way that’s courteous and respectful.  But seeing her point of view and working together to make sure we both understand each other opens our relationship up instead of closing a part of it off. Not only that, by proving her wrong and me right, I was only hurting myself more. There is a cost of needing to be right and it’s not worth it. Anna did ultimately receive a consequence for her behavior that day, but she will certainly be back in the studio and who knows, maybe teaching yoga some day soon.

Getting Out of the Mud

Do you feel stuck? Like, feet in the mud and you can’t move no matter how hard you try to lift your legs stuck? Being stuck is such a powerless feeling. You may feel stuck around your job, the relationship you have with a friend or family member, or maybe an illness of someone you love.  Feeling stuck can leave us feeling pretty resigned and complacent, like things will never be any different. For me, I’ve often wondered- how do I ever get myself out of this mess? I can’t see a way out.

For the past few month, I’ve been feeling really stuck around my work schedule. I’ve got too much on my plate and it’s dragging me down.  Yes, I am doing everything I love- hanging with my husband and 3 kids, teaching yoga, creating a beautiful yoga community and continuing to work on my accounting and finance career.  But it ‘s one of those situations where I have too much to do and not enough time to do it in.  I’m sure everyone reading this probably feels the same way about their own schedule! I’m have been feeling overwhelmed and trapped.

Thankfully, I recently had a shift. Thanks to a personal transformation training I attended over the weekend, I now see things differently and I’ve tried it on for myself.

What if we choose what we have? I choose my work schedule. As soon as I said it out loud, I began to relax.  Yes, I choose it!  I choose my work schedule. Now, here comes the shift. I choose to feel calm and peaceful around my work schedule. Is that possible? Well, it wasn’t possible when I was fighting with my work schedule. It wasn’t when I hated my work schedule and I was just looking to fix it. It wasn’t possible when I felt victim to my work schedule and I was so focused on being at the mercy of my work schedule. This feels powerful. I can choose what I have and when I do, I can choose my way of being around that choice. This doesn’t mean I have to like my choice.  Choosing what we have creates ownership.  Since I’ve made this shift, I do feel much more calm and at ease.  I actually feel like I’ve made more time for myself and I’m more focused. I even feel more creative.  Now, if I choose to make a change, I know that I’m making that happen, it’s not happening to me.

I’m no longer stuck in the mud. My feet are on dryer ground and I feel like I can walk or even sprint in any direction I CHOOSE.  How about you? What’s in your life that you choose for yourself?

Dear Blog

Dear Blog~How are you? It’s been a while since I’ve come to visit. I can understand if you’ve been feeling a little neglected. It has been a few months after all. But know that I’ve been thinking of you every day. And often, in my car or in my kitchen, I think of a rockin’ topic to write about. I even think through how the blog entry will begin and how it may end.

So why haven’t I sat down to write it all out, you ask? I think I’ve gotten into some traps that a lot people can get into. Sometimes writing and sharing my thoughts openly and freely can be scary. It can be easy to avoid things we are afraid of. Sometime I think the idea or post needs to be really really good in order to be posted. It can be easy to have that “all or nothing” attitude. And lastly, it’s hard to admit that I’ve been prioritizing less important but more urgent things ahead of you. It can be easy to let others demands of our time take priority over things that really make our heart sing.

As you can see, I have some great excuses why I haven’t written. But I am writing here today. And surprisingly, just taking this step today was pretty easy. I’m grateful for that. I hope you are too.

My Best- Tara

Sharing What I Love

I was able to convince my oldest son Ryan to come to a yoga class that I taught earlier this week. Ryan is 11. I have to admit, I was surprised he came. I think it helped that I told him that one of his football friends, Jack, would be coming to my studio for class sometime. I started to feel the weight of his decision to come as we were driving there. What if he doesn’t like it? What if he refuses to never practice again? Am I asking a young boy to do something that he can’t handle? He had a wonderful practice. I do have to admit that I couldn’t keep myself from laughing a few times when I just took in his boyish awkwardness, that was really beautiful in it’s own way. He came to his mat and really tried his best. During the back bending, I had him use the support of my ankles so that he could get up into wheel. It was powerful and pure. His 11 year old humor also came out during class when he started interchanging the words of “happy baby” and “dead bug” with “happy bug” and “dead baby”- the other yogis in class got a chuckle at this.

In our car ride home, I asked him what he thought. His response was pretty much like, that was really hard and you had me hold the poses too long. He certainly wasn’t asking me to come back next week. I felt peaceful after this. I don’t need Ryan to love what I love. I’m almost happy for the lesson that he didn’t fully embrace it! I share my yoga at Seacoast Power Yoga, when I’m driving in the car, when I’m making dinner, and countless other times throughout my day. Sometimes I share it more freely than other times ☺. I’m so grateful that I can offer Ryan an opportunity to know yoga at such a young age- both on and off his mat.

You Don’t Necessarily Have to Buy a Zoo

How often do we notice that we are afraid to do something and back down? We may be afraid of a conversation with a spouse, parent, or friend because of how we think the conversation will go. We may be afraid to let go of a habit because we think it’s too difficult and we will just end up in failure. We may be afraid to make a major life change, like a career change or a move, because we think being comfortable in the known is better than the uncomfortable in the unknown. My family and I saw “We Bought a Zoo” over the holiday break. In the movie, Matt Damon’s character, Benjamin Mee decides to move his family out of the city into a home with a former zoo attached to it. When Benjamin tries to reconnect with his teenage son, he tells him “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

I love what Benjamin is offering here. My interpretation of this piece of advice is this “Look- there are things in your life that are going to scare the $hit out of you. But it’s just your ego trying to keep you in a comfortable and safe place. Comfortable and safe will not get you the amazing life you are meant to live. Please ignore your ego for just 20 seconds and welcome in the possibility of something awesome”.

Setting fear aside in our lives is a practice. Start small. Start with a big breath and just go for it- whatever that thing is that scares you the most. When you find out that taking some risks in your life doesn’t turn out with the world crashing down around you (like your ego may lead you to believe), then you will be ready to take on more. You can buy your zoo. Just take a deep breath.

I’d love to hear from you. Let me know how it goes!

Lifting the Holiday Fog

Happy Holidays to you! How are you this holiday season? According to every Christmas card you have received, every commercial on the television and every song you have heard on the radio, you are suppose to be merry and bright. Are you feeling merry and bright? Family comes into town, schedules get thrown off, the kids are home from school and life happens. For some (okay, many), including me, the holidays may have some moments of feeling merry and bright, but the holidays may have some moments of feeling not so merry and pretty dull and grey. This holiday season brought some big awareness into how I’ve been living through these times. I notice how easy it is for me to shut down, put a wall up, and turn to things like TV, Facebook, another glass of wine or some extra holiday fudge and cookies for what may seem like initial relief. I’m creating a fog over my thinking, my emotions and my personal connections. There were times when I checked out and disconnected and I didn’t realize I was even doing it.

Did you create a haze for yourself this holiday season? If the answer is yes, be grateful for the awareness. This awareness is like a spot light slicing through that fog. The fog is lifting when you realize you are in it. From there, it’s all about connection. When I think back to the past few days of my holiday fog, I realize that I’ve been holding my breath. That is how I connect, with my breath. As I realize I’m breathing in and out, I see more clearly. Things around me come into focus. I feel lighter and brighter. As I keep connected to my breath, the rest of this holiday season will certainly be merrier and brighter. I wish each of you breath and connection for this holiday season and beyond!