How to Stop Your Overeating Habit

How to Stop-1

Are you one of those people that eats everything on your plate no matter what? I’m a former member of the Clean Plate Club myself. Actually, I often had second helpings at meal time. You can say I was a member of the Two Clean Plates Club ;). It didn’t matter if I was hungry or full. I just ate what was in front of me, and then some. I started my journey to transform my relationship with food and my body because I knew I was overeating and overstuffing. Sometimes when I was hungry, I felt empty. Not just physically, but emotionally. When I was full or even very full, I felt calm and a little sedated. These emotional causes and side effects of my overeating created a very well-ingrained habit that was in place for many years. It took me a while to break this habit, but after trying and failing a few times, I found a practice that made a big difference. Try this exercise to eat just enough and leave every meal satisfied:

• Sit down to eat your meal when you are hungry. Please notice the two important things: Sit down to eat. Eat when you are hungry.
• Create the intention that you are going to eat mindfully. Eat your meal slowly.
• Put your fork down occasionally to check in with your body. Drop your awareness to your belly and notice.
• When you have come to that point when you have moved past no longer feeling hungry and begin to feel satisfied, PAUSE.  Promise yourself that you are going to temporarily set your food aside for 15 minutes. After that time, you can freely and without guilt, eat what’s left on your plate.  Wrap up any remaining food, whether it’s one bite or 10 bites, and put it away.
• After 15 minutes, check in with your belly. Are you hungry? Does the idea of finishing or eating more of your meal appeal to you? If so, sit down and eat. If not, save your remaining food for another time.

People overeat for a lot of different reasons. You may find that overeating has become a habit you would like to break. Stopping overeating takes awareness, patience, and practice. Try this exercise when you eat your next meal, and you will be well on your way to honoring your body and yourself in a very powerful and loving way.

Create Your Focus, Create Your Life

Years ago when I was dieting and feeling desperate to shed some extra weight, unconsciously I was choosing to disconnect from my body. I chose to follow a meal plan or to eat a predetermined number of calories instead of asking my body what it needed.

For years I floated around without any intention of what I wanted my relationship with food and my body to be. Consciously or unconsciously, our focus is on something that results in us living a certain way.

When we aren’t aware of how we are living, it is as if we are a small boat in the middle of the ocean being tossed around by each smashing wave and pulled along by the current. The small boat may stay in the middle of the ocean or it may ultimately arrive on shore. Without awareness or purpose, the boat’s destination would be haphazard and accidental. The other option is creating where we want to go, how we want to be. This is like giving that same small boat a GPS and ultimately a guide to whatever destination we choose.

Now, I create guidance for myself daily. Sometimes my intention is for my whole day and sometimes just for certain areas of my life. I keep my language simple- one or two words.  I create ease and peace around food and compassion and healing around my body. If you ask me tomorrow, my intention may change. I can recreate how I want to be based on what intuitively feels right. This guidance helps me navigate through food choices and also whether I choose to go for a run, take a bath, or go to bed early. My intentions are the foundation of all my actions.

Creating an intention is the starting point for creating the life you choose. When it comes to shifting your relationship with food and your body, you are also in the driver’s seat. Changing your relationship starts with choosing what you really want and keeping that top of mind moment to moment. This isn’t hard, but it does require effort and awareness. The beautiful thing about this process is that you can create a loving relationship with your body, peace around food, and a life you love.

Right now, close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Ask yourself: What kind of relationship do I want to have with food? How do I want to view and treat my body?

Chances are, you’ve been trying to restrict what and how much you eat, and you berate yourself when you fall off the wagon. You are scared you will gain weight and worry you will never lose the weight you want. When it comes to your body, the criticism doesn’t stop. It’s now time to replace the criticism, restriction, fear and worry with how you really want to live around food and your body. You get to pick. Choose what comes to mind first. And if nothing comes to mind, love and compassion are always great places to start.  Put your energy in the right place and your actions will follow. It starts with you.

How to Recover From A Food Binge

If I were the superstitious type, I would have thought I jinxed myself. I had recently told a few people: my husband, my Naturopath, my coaching group. I said out loud, “I don’t binge eat anymore.” And then Saturday afternoon after a big shopping trip, I came home, made a plate of crackers and cheese, and pretty much ate everything on the plate. As expected, I immediately felt disgusted. And because I am now coaching women on how to listen to their bodies and change their relationships with food, I also felt like a complete fraud. If I can’t stop binging myself, how do I expect to guide others? My mind raced:

I shouldn’t be coaching women in this work. I’ll just go back to what I know.

I can’t believe I ate that whole plate of cheese and crackers. I even had gluten. Why do I make choices that will make me sick?

I have tools, I should be using them! What is wrong with me?

My belly feels so bloated. I’ll need to hide that so no one suspects.

From the outside that evening, I appeared quiet, reserved, and disconnected from my family. I probably seemed a little melancholy. I went to bed early and wrote in my journal.

This is what binges do. They absorb us into a shame cycle. They have us questioning and doubting everything about ourselves. Our body feels sick; therefore, we assume everything about us is sick too. Binges make us withdraw from the world. We don’t want to show our disgusting selves to the people we love around us. After all, they must be judging us the same way we are judging ourselves, right? This episode refreshed my memory of how destructive binges are because the binge eater withdraws, hides, and feels terrible and full of shame.

We are disconnected from our bodies when we binge and overeat. I clearly felt disconnected on Saturday afternoon and resorted to an old habitual pattern. When I woke up Sunday morning, I reminded myself that I have a choice where I focus my energy. I can beat myself up about the afternoon before, like I have in the past, or I can see my experience as an opportunity to go deeper in my own healing. I’m choosing to go deeper.

As I look back to my earlier declarations of binge eating being something of my past, I realized there was a part of me that felt being binge-free was too good to be true. I secretly worried that all of this healing and new learning would disappear. I know now this process is not a delicate one. Our practice of connecting to our body grows stronger the more we listen to it. I don’t need good luck to be aware of my body. My journey to freedom around food and body struggles may have it’s share of up and down and side trips. I’m okay with that. I’m also really okay with not being perfect. I’ll take confidence and connection over luck and crossed fingers any day of the week.

Love The World Because The World Loves You

I popped into Walgreens the other day to pick up a few things and couldn’t help but to notice the 50% off Valentine’s Day candies and stuffed animals. The Easter candy going up on the other side of the aisle also served as a reminder that the holiday of love came and went. Mark and I had a really nice long over due dinner at a restaurant that we have gone to every Valentine’s Day since we moved up here to New Hampshire. Without taking away from the celebration and the appreciation that can come from Valentine’s Day, I’ve come to experience love in a much different way. It sits underneath the surface of the love I share with my family and friends, but it expands so much farther and wider than I can often imagine.

Here is how I have come to know love.

~ Love can expand infinitely when we are in the present moment and shrink drastically when we our thoughts and views are coming from either the past or the future.

~Love is a choice we make.

~Love isn’t something we earn or is something than can be taken away.

~Love is a verb and is a practice.

~Love and fear are the exact opposites.

~Love is defenseless.

~Love is generous.

Love comes from within me. It’s something I connect with. It’s not something I can find in the kindness and thoughtfulness of others or notice the lack of it with hurtful words and actions.

Over the years, I’ve taken a hard look at past relationships. Why are their words and actions still hurting me? Are they still staying those things or am I still saying them to myself? Are they still hurting me or am I revisiting my memories that hurt? Through this insight and willingness to accept me and the people in my life exactly as we are, I’ve come to see love in a much more powerful way. The only thing that gets in the way from me loving them, is some how believing that what they did or said to me meant I wasn’t lovable.

I am love. You are love. It’s not something we need to seek because it lives within us. Think of love as a source of energy. The more we use the energy, the stronger and more expansive it becomes. Our practice, whether it be on Valentine’s day or the other 364 days of the year, is connecting with that source again and again.

Where to Look

In the past I looked outside of myself for the answers. If I wanted to lose weight, I looked for a program or diet to follow. If I wanted to run faster, I searched for a book to read. If I felt anxious and sad, I sought out a therapist. Surely, someone or something else had the answers and I was going to find them. At the time, I wanted to improve myself and I thought someone else knew better than me. Researchers, scientists, health professionals, even the government spread a wide range of valuable information around how we should live based on averages. They share what foods to avoid and which ones we can’t eat enough of. They know how much sleep on average we should get and on average the right amount of water we should drink to keep hydrated. For a long time, I put much of my unquestionable faith in these experts. After all, they did research, studied and had all sorts of average solutions for people who were sort of like me. I didn’t realize there was a different approach.

Then I started connecting and listening to my own body. I am now noticing how my body reacts to certain foods. Do they make me tired and bloated, or light and alive? I notice what workouts leave me feeling energized. And more importantly, when I feel overwhelmed, stressed or anxious; I can stop, breath, experience and observe all of the sensations in my body and learn from them. The uncomfortable disappears.

This has been an imperfect process. It’s been filled with miracles, frustrations, and also big insights into who I am and what works for me. I am waking up to my own body and my own spirit. Sometimes I listen and sometimes I don’t care to. That is also part of connecting. I can see when I’m connected and see when I’m not. Before, I didn’t see any other options but to look somewhere else. Now, I realize there is only one option. I am my own best health professional. I can be open to the valuable information coming from the outside, but now I try it on for myself first. I am trusting and curious. I am fully responsible for me. After all, the answers lie within me. They always have.

What Happens When You Stop Following Food Rules

This just seems like another day. A day with plans to spend time with family, squeeze in a bit of work and play outside in the newly fallen snow. I couldn’t help but to notice that it wasn’t just any other day, although it felt that way. It was the day after Thanksgiving. And this year, I’m so grateful for the freedom I was able to experience preparing our feast, enjoying it and more importantly the time spent after it was all finished. Before this year, freedom was the last way I would describe my experience of Thanksgiving. It was more about struggle, worry, guilt and shame. Thankfully this year, I gave up a few old patterns and embraced new ones. This year, I didn’t break any rules. Not because I followed all of them, but because I did not have any to break. In the past and as recent as last year, I’ve made my family dizzy with which diet I was following. They had a hard time keeping track of whether I was following a vegan, vegetarian, Paleo, dairy free, sugar free, low carb, or gluten free diet. For me, I would plan well in advance and prepare special food that I would allow myself to eat. All the while, I would be noticing not what I could eat but what I couldn’t. Or, there were years that I would be following a particular diet up until Thanksgiving, and then allow myself one day to go off it. No matter what I did, I felt guilty and my mind was preoccupied with the should and shouldn’t. This year our dinner table was filled with an abundance of beautifully prepared foods that our whole family took the time to make. I didn’t see the food as either good or bad. I simply enjoyed it.

This year, I ate and lived moment to moment. I made from scratch chocolate chip scones and spinach, feta and red pepper quiche Thanksgiving morning. It felt so indulgent to have chocolate for breakfast. The kids and Mark loved them and so did I. There were many Thanksgiving mornings that I would only allow myself fruit or maybe a green juice or smoothie with the idea that I had to eat as light as possible to prepare for the huge amount of eating that would come next. For some meals, eating only fruit or green juices could be perfect, but I would make that choice based on what would serve me best in the moment. I ate the perfect amount that morning and trusted that in my next meal I would do the same.

This year, working out was something I simply made time for. But it wasn’t my main focus. In years past, I would plan for an extra long run or an extra challenging workout Thanksgiving morning. I knew I was going to be eating a lot of calories and I needed to pay my dues so I could deserve to eat the extra serving of mash potatoes and pumpkin pie. This year, I just knew I would feel better if I moved. I went down to the basement; I got some good sweat on and finished with a headstand. It took less than 30 minutes. I was completely unconcerned with how many calories I burned or how many calories I was planning on eating.

This year, I went to bed feeling great. My belly wasn’t stuffed with food. We ate a later dinner and funny enough, decided to wait until the next day to dive into the special chocolate cheesecake that Anna made. I remember past Thanksgivings where we would finish our dinner and immediately break out the pies. I did this without any regard to whether I was hungry for them or not. As our family was preparing our meal earlier in the day, we sat down for some cauliflower soup and a few fun appetizers. Afterward, we shared a slice of pumpkin pie. It was perfect to have a small dessert before our main meal.

Thanksgiving is an opportunity to share and acknowledge all of the things we are grateful for. This year, I’ve let myself out of prison. A prison that I designed myself around an obsession with food and body weight. My prison robbed me of enjoying my life fully. How could I really enjoy and be thankful for my family, friends, our health, our homes and all of the wonderful things I truly have in my life when I’m mentally and emotionally consumed with what, when and how much I’m going to eat and how long I’m going to work out? It was exhausting and I did it for a long time. This year, I let go of diets, food rules and the idea that I have to struggle with my weight. This year, I’ve deepened my practice of connecting to the wisdom of my body. I’ve held the key to letting myself out of this prison the whole time. Starting this year, Thanksgiving for me is now about freedom, gratitude, connection and celebration. I am so grateful.

Practice Makes Possible

I got into my first forearm stand the other day. I was probably only up for about 5 seconds, but it felt like it could have been a lot longer. If you asked me about doing a forearm stand 6 months ago, I would have said that forearm stand isn’t for me, after all, my left shoulder if still pretty tight after my rotator cuff surgery. You may have accepted my explanation with a bit of sympathy and understanding. And I would have moved on with my life never knowing the experience of forearm stand. So what changed? I started to practice forearm stand. Simple right? It’s not magic. I just chose to try instead of choosing not to try. But, there were a few things I needed in place while I practiced. If you are ready to take on something you didn’t think possible, here is what you may need too.

You need courage. I have seen so many brand new yogis come into Seacoast Power Yoga this past week and it has been so inspiring. Some are teen girls and boys, some folks over 60. They show up with no mats and no fancy yoga clothes. Imagine that. They have courage. They may have been nervous, a little scared and pretty certain they didn’t know how it was going to go, but they came in to try a class anyway.

You need to let yourself suck. Toddlers don’t generally go from crawling to sprinting. They stand, take a step and sit down. They fall…a lot! And then they get up again. When I started practicing forearm stand, I was okay with not having a Yoga Journal cover worthy pose right away. Start practicing from where you are, despite how it looks and despite how many times you may stumble and fall.

You need to be consistent. When I first started blogging, I Googled- how to become a better writer. Well, this may sound profound. Site after site pretty much said that to become a better writer you need to write.  Every day for 30 minutes. The more I write, the more comfortable I am doing it.

You need to be awesome, not perfect. My daughter was hand-cutting cat shaped cookies the other night. They were awesome because they were all different shapes and sizes. Perfect can be boring and very uninteresting. When I’ve tried hard to make things perfect, all I have gotten was exhaustion. Do your best and let that be enough.

You need to not be attached to the result. By all means, practice with a goal or intention in mind. But then let it go. When we get so attached to the outcome, we lose sight of why the outcome is so important to us to begin with. Sure, I wanted to get into forearm stand. By practicing every week, I got to know my strength and discovered what adjustments I needed in my body. The confidence and connection I gained is much more valuable than getting into the pose itself.

You need to play. Abby, a yogi at the studio loves playing in her practice. Before and after every class, she is upside doing something fun with a big smile on her face. I love watching how lightly she takes herself, especially on that rare occasion when she falls out of a pose. Falling isn’t failing; it’s another opportunity to try again. Make it fun and light.

Practicing is something you must do, because it tests, defies and ultimately blows up the limits you have placed on yourself. I have experienced first hand how excuses, or put another way- seemingly rational reasons, on why not to practice have stood in my way of experiencing myself powerfully. I could go through my whole life without doing forearm stand. But instead, I now know the formula for doing something I didn’t think I initially could. Today, I am happy to celebrate my success. But the practice never stops. Tomorrow, I will practice again.

The Missing Piece To Your Health

When we think of increasing our health and vitality, we might think about what we are eating, how much sleep or sex we are having, the workout that we said we were going to start and really stick to, or planning a spectacular vacation. But there is one important component that we may not even realize we have or that is missing from our life. Do we see ourselves as part of group where we feel a connection is the foundation to our wellbeing and living a fulfilled life?

Oxford Dictionary defines community as “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals”. According to Oxford, to be part of a community, one does not have to sign a legal contract, live in a certain place, or formally be part of a specific group of people. Oxford implies that community lies in the experience of the person defining their community. Community is in the eyes of the beholder.

When Seacoast Power Yoga celebrated its 3^rd year anniversary, over 50 of us gathered to mark the milestone with lots of laughter, sweat and gratitude. Although each of us have different experiences of our community, by showing up to celebrate, everyone was offering themselves and giving themselves at the same time. Many students have shared with me personally; the community of Seacoast Power Yoga has made their lives better. And in my view, it’s because each of them chose to be a part of it.

Here are a few reasons why communities make such a big difference in our lives:

~Community gives people a place to belong. Whether you are 12, 25 or 83, people want to be a part of something. Not everyone has a job they love. Not everyone has a family life that is full of nourishment and connection. A community can be a place where you share something in common or work toward a common goal. Or it can be something that you are just a part of because of where you live or some place you go regularly. I’ve stopped by our Newfields General Store early in the morning and there is a group of men that get their coffee every morning standing around chatting. Community can be both formal and informal.

~Community supports the human connection. People need to be seen and heard in real time. The complexity of our lives is increasing and when our phone calls or lunch dates with friends have been replaced with texts, Instagram comments and Facebook messages, getting in the same room with other people is more important than ever.

~Community supports courage. This may be a sweeping assumption, but taking risks are something that many of us don’t take lightly. Having a community in our corner cheering us on or knowing they will be there if we stumble can make the difference between taking a leap or staying where we are. It’s like jumping off a cliff with a safety net.

~Community offers love and support. After my shoulder surgery, friends and neighbors brought us homemade dinners for a week. It was such so nice and the kids absolutely loved it. People were thinking of us and doing what they could to make things better. My husband and I have also pulled together some meals for friends that could use the break from cooking to focus on their health and healing. It feels great to receive the support and it also feels great to offer the support.

The afternoon of the yoga studio’s anniversary celebration, I flew to Colorado to attend a yoga conference with 400 other yogis with my teacher, Baron Baptiste. I met up with and hung out with old friends but I also made many new ones. I didn’t just show up, I put myself out there and made a point to connect. It was 3 days of fun and I was so filled up by the whole experience. The Baptiste community is always there, but I made the conscious choice to be part of it. I chose to invest in the community and in turn invest in myself.

Communities are like gardens. The more care and attention the garden is given, the more it offers in beauty and bounty. Look around and see the communities that you are already a part of. Make that conscious choice to not only see the community as yours but also to nurture it. Your life will be all the better for it.

New Girl, New Habit

I have a confession to make.  It may make you laugh. My family thinks it’s hysterical. Over the past 2 ½ weeks, I’ve been obsessed with the TV show “New Girl”. I sat down to watch the pilot on Netflix and after a few shorts weeks, I’m already in the middle of Season 3. I’ve been watching the show religiously every night, averaging about 2.5 shows an evening. This is a big change for me as I typically only watch TV  a few times week. But now, I sit down to watch it with a glass of red wine or a cup of tea (depending on the night), curl up on the couch and let myself be thoroughly and mindlessly entertained. A habit is supposedly formed by consistently doing the same thing every day for 28, 30, or even 40 days (depending on who you ask and where you look). So you may not call my "New Girl" routine a habit just yet, but it did get me thinking about habits and how some habits can be so easily formed and some habits can be so hard to break.

People spend a good deal of time and money trying to create positive habits and to break negative ones. They often look at the action of the habit itself, for example, smoking, running every morning, or flossing before bedtime. But there are a few other pieces to the habit puzzle that are more critical than the action itself. A habit also includes the desire we crave before we move into action and the outcome that immediately follows. Take my “New Girl” routine. It started with me looking for relaxation, which is the desire I craved. While I watched the first 4 episodes of Season 1, I laughed, gave my mind and body a break sitting on the couch and afterward felt renewed. Immediately, my mind drew the connection. Desire to relax > "New Girl"> Feel Better. It didn’t take more than a few days for me to realize that when I wanted to feel better; I sat to watch "New Girl".

One habit that I’m familiar with is around binge eating, as it started for me in my early teens. At the time, food was the only coping mechanism I knew to help me deal with overwhelming feelings.  Even though I wasn't aware of it at the time, my desire was to not feel the intensity of my sadness, frustration, anxiety or anger. When I stuffed myself with food (maybe girl-scout cookies or M&M’s) I went numb and didn’t feel anything. The outcome of my binge eating habit was to take away the immediate discomfort (even though it was fleeting and ultimately I felt worse). This habit continued over the years by eating uncontrollably in response to stress, overwhelm or anything else that I wanted an escape from. I would try desperately to change this habit by trying to stop binge eating, like it was the cause and effect of my problems. The more I fought with the binge eating, the more energy I was giving to the one thing I desperately wanted to change. I realized, with mindfulness, awareness and compassion that acknowledging and not reacting to the the emotion was at the heart of dismantling this habit. It was then that I began to replace binge eating with a more loving habit.

Here is the thing. We make our habits and then our habits make us. The action of the habit can define us if we let it. We start to smoke and we become a smoker. We train for our first 5k and we become a runner. We stop eating meat and become a vegetarian. Look at your habits carefully; are they reflecting who you want to be and how you want to live? If not, look at the desire and the outcome of the habit itself.  Is watching "New Girl" every night a reflection of how I want to live? Maybe not. But let me put it another way, is relaxing and laughing every evening how I want to live? Absolutely.

The Hurricane

This particular Saturday morning did not go as planned. With each of my three kids going in different directions starting at 6:45am, and my husband away for the weekend, I needed to be on my game. Instead, I overslept- waking up 15 minutes before we we're suppose to be at the football field. I felt like "Hurricane Tara" arriving at the school as I was speeding in, slamming doors, hustling over to where we were supposes to be and clearly creating a wake in my path. When I saw my son’s coach he said “It's okay, just breath". As a yoga studio owner, that felt a little embarrassing to hear from a football coach. At the same time, a friend nearby jokingly said to me, “Ya, isn't that what you tell your yoga students? You are not a great advertisement for your yoga studio right now". They were both right. I immediately felt guilty and a bit bummed at myself for that showdown. The good news is that it gave me some insight.

When we are living authentically, we have nothing to defend. Sure, we all develop expectations and judgments of people, the roles they play and how we would like them to act around us. I know that I like the grocery store bagger to know how to bag groceries. I want my kids teachers to be respectful, enthusiastic, and care about their students. I want my car mechanic to not unnecessarily charge me an arm and leg to fix my car. But the funny thing is that if I were to see any of them outside of the grocery store, school, or auto body shop, aside from breaking the law, I don’t expect much from them. And herein lies what makes teaching yoga and owning a yoga studio so amazing. We’ve created a built in mechanism to stay committed to our journey and the process we are teaching. It’s so natural that my yoga students and my community may expect me to be mindful, peaceful, relaxed and not stressed out when they see me outside of the studio. I expect the same thing for myself. They may even expect me to be a vegetarian, not drink beer or coffee, and drive a Prius with a Namaste bumper sticker on the back. And I have no problem with any of those expectations. Their expectations are their business. I may not meet any of them or I may not meet them 100% of the time. I don’t need to apologize, defend myself or beat myself up about it. My practice is waking up and catching myself when I am not living true to my word.

You don’t have to be a yoga teacher to stay committed to being yourself. Being yourself takes little to no work at all. Can you see areas or situations in your life that feel heavy or forced? Where are you applying a lot of effort to hide or try to show a made up version of yourself? Getting to the football field the other morning felt pretty stressful. I was worried I was letting people down (my son especially) but also when I take a hard look, I was afraid of looking bad. After all of that, being late the other morning did not really create any problems for anyone. But it did give me an opportunity to catch myself trying too hard, hiding behind my self-imposed stress and taking myself way to seriously.

I can now think back to that morning and smile at “Hurricane Tara”. If it were not for her, I wouldn’t feel as peaceful and connected as I do right now.

My Pact

We had an active weekend in Maine. The boys are starting their football season, Anna is getting ready to begin her first season running cross country and Mark got recruited to run Reach the Beach (a 24 hour 200 mile team run) last minute. We spent a few mornings running, doing some push-ups, squats, forearm planks and taking advantage of some down time to improve our conditioning. Some of this felt a little more challenging than I would have liked and I noticed some old but familiar self-talk. I felt frustrated and unsettled. I was wishing for a different version of my body; something better conditioned, leaner, more fit. This state of mind has crept in frequently, in different places in my life, for as long as I can remember. Struggling through a 3 mile run and remembering the days when 6 miles came so easily and effortlessly. Feeling so excited to get out the next seasons clothes and noticing that the shorts from last summer don’t fit as well as I’d like them to. Or maybe seeing a picture of a woman in a magazine wearing a super cute dress thinking, I wish I could wear that dress and look like that. When I would share my frustration of my body to my husband, he would respond with the same response I would to anyone I love. “I love you just the way you are.” It didn’t matter what he thought or if I heard the same thing from Brad Pitt. What he said, although appreciated, didn’t change the way I thought about myself. The change in my thinking had to come from me.

What made a difference for me was when I created a pact with myself. A pact rooted in gratitude, respect and trust. I didn’t realize I was doing this at the time. But somewhere along the way, I got a glimpse of insight that I am not my body, and the number on a scale or the size of my jeans does not measure my worth. Instead, I could see that my body is the home of my spirit and my uniqueness. I’ve read my share of body image self help books. Some of them would say, if you don’t like your hips, focus on your shoulders, or if you don’t like your nose, focus on your eyes. I understand the advice around emphasizing the positive, however, I think they are missing the point. Our body and even our health is a reflection of how we feel and think about ourselves. Let the focus be on what’s going on inside, not on the outside.

You have an agreement with yourself already in place. Is it based in acceptance or judgment? Is your agreement nurturing or filled with rules, deprivation and punishment? If you can see that the pact you have with yourself is any less than loving, you MUST shift it. We are here in this lifetime to shine bright and share our best version of ourselves. By embracing ourselves, our bodies and our lives just as we are in this moment, we open a space to create something new. If we continue to beat ourselves up at every turn, ironically, the change we are seeking becomes further and further out of reach because we spend all of our time and energy fighting ourselves.

Life will throw us curve balls where we can easily go from feeling on cloud 9 to being filled with doubts and uncertainties. Just like I experienced over the weekend. That’s when the pact comes in. We can say to ourselves “ I love you just the way you are” and really believe it.

Here is my Pact-

I am grateful for my beating heart and my steady breath. I promise to nurture my body with rest, movement and life giving food. I listen, I trust, I connect. I am complete, just as I am, in this moment.

What’s yours?

This Moment

I arrived on my yoga mat after a few days off and immediately felt antsy. All I could think about was wanting to get “this” over with so I could move onto the next thing.

Thankfully I was in the right place. Yoga was exactly what I needed at that moment. Breathing, moving and sweating gave me access to a more grounded and centered place.

How often do we rush from one thing to the other? Even thinking that the planning for the next moment is more important than the moment we are in? I remember when my kids were toddlers. We would start the day together and I would give them the itinerary. Breakfast, swim lessons, rest, lunch, park, rest, play date, dinner when Daddy get’s home, bed. I would sit with Ryan in Brueggers Bagels and tell him; “okay buddy, we are going to finish lunch, go home for a nap and then walk to the park”. Even though he was probably doing a better job enjoying playing with his blocks and eating his bagel than I was, I was clearly sending him a message around time. Looking back, the message was: have your days planned out and always get ready for what comes next.

I know I'm not alone in this habit. This is our natural response to managing our busy and often over scheduled lives. And I understand that if we didn’t have a general plan to our day, we may be at risk of not accomplishing what’s important. But the downside is, and it’s a big one, we miss out on what’s really happening. We miss the present moment. Funny enough, our focus on the plans for our life often gets in the way of living it. Life is filled with sunshine, smiles, sweetness, disappointments, downturns, accomplishments, celebrations, loneliness, tears and so many thousands of other things to experience. Let's make sure we don't miss a beat.

For me, reminding myself to be in the present moment isn’t enough. Here are some tips to help ground yourself in the here and now:

- First catch yourself. Be aware when you are anywhere but where you are.

- Notice the impact. What do you miss when you are somewhere else? A loved one’s laugh? The smell of fresh air? The sound of the birds?

- Take a breath- a really deep one. Your breath is always in the present moment.

- Move and sweat. Burn off some of that extra energy and center yourself in your body.

- Be firm and gentle all at the same time. Stay committed to living your life in the present moment. When you do catch yourself somewhere else, be gentle when you bring yourself back.

Experiencing your life is not about wishing pieces of it away to get onto the next thing. It’s about trusting. Have faith that what this moment holds for you is just right. Instead of looking past this moment to the next, let’s live the life that’s right in front of us.

Something New

I love it when people and situations in my life wake me up and show me something new. Recently, a friend of mine that I’m teaming up with on a project showed me my tendency to often take on too much and underestimate how long things take. I was suggested that a pretty large project would only take 2-3 months to complete. She practically laughed at me and convincingly told me that the project would really take much longer, more like 6-9 months. When I really sat with it, I felt so much relief. Without even realizing it, she was giving me permission to work on this project with so much more ease instead of a lot of self -imposed stress. A few days after this conversation, I spent 3 days at a Yin Yoga teacher training. I surprised a few of my friends when I told them what I was doing because they know me as someone who loves Power Yoga (the yang or opposite of yin). Taking this training was something I just needed. I loved spending time being propped onto bolsters, sitting on comfy blankets, and dozing off in long shavasanas. All without breaking a sweat. My body and my mind felt so calm and relaxed.

The powerful shifts in our life often come in small and unsuspecting packages. I see the miracles and harmony that comes from lifting my head out of the sand and being willing to see things from a different point of view. It’s about letting go of who I think I am. Am I really just a power yogi? Do I always have to get things done fast and furiously? Obviously not. And I’m so grateful.

Make It Happen

Do you have that one thing that you keep thinking about doing but haven’t quite had a chance to get to yet? That one thing, maybe you do a lot of thinking about it and maybe you even confide in a good friend about it, but it’s still sitting there on the back burner.

I’ve had a few of these “back burners” in 2013. This blog is one. Despite me thinking about blogging almost every day, including having new blog ideas pop into my head while I’m in the shower or driving to the yoga studio, I haven’t sat myself down to blog in over 5 months. My other “back burner” is the organization of my house. I find the clutter and the mess to be pretty overwhelming. I don’t want to think about it but I know that it weighs pretty heavily on me.

The thing is, if our back burners were so easy to do, we all would have them done by now. What do we need in place to take on our hearts desires and to start moving in the direction of our dreams?

For starters, take a look at how you are giving your power away. Are you someone that feels guilty? Do you think to yourself, “I couldn’t possibly do this one thing for myself. After all, I don’t spend enough time with my kids/ my husband/my friends.”  Then there is the fear factor, which so often holds us back without us even knowing it. Fear sneakily shows up in the what ifs? What if people don’t approve? What if I don’t have enough money? What if I fail? Or sometimes we convince ourselves that we what we really want isn’t that important. We tell ourselves that it’s not a big deal, it can wait and it doesn’t really matter. And of course there is time, something we all like to struggle with. There is always to much to do and too little time to do it all. For me, I was constantly telling myself that I didn’t have time to blog and that other things just needed to get done. And with my house, well, maybe having it a bit of a mess wasn’t such a big deal, after all, my life was so full of amazing things, doesn’t a messy house come along with that?

These are just self-imposed barriers. They show up as seemingly valid reasons but are just lame excuses. It’s good to identify our excuses, to catch ourselves and see the warning flags. But we don’t need to analyze them, this will just keep our “back burners” where they are and if we don’t do something differently, it’s where they will always stay.

So are you really ready to take it on?  Are you sure? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to finally move that “back burner” front and center? Then decide. Make a decision. Yes or no. Then give your word to it using language as if you are already doing it. It’s not, “I’ll try to work out today”, I’ll work out today if I have time”, “I hope to work out today” “If it doesn’t snow, I’ll work out today”. It’s – I AM WORKING OUT TODAY (come hell or high water because I said so). And then, deeply honor your word, every day. Remind yourself and recommit every day. What will happen is you will become what you repeatedly do. For me, I am someone with an organized and neat home. I am a blogger. Maybe for you, you are lean, fit and healthy. You are a business owner. You are a guitar player. You are a yogi.  Change your mind about this “back burner” and see it as something fun. Look at your schedule, carve out the time and simply begin.

That day will happen when,for one day or one week, your former “back burner” may temporarily move back to the “back burner”. And it will happen, I promise. Then, what do you do? This is your defining moment. You need to remember why this one thing was so important to you in the first place. Don’t tolerate any more excuses.  Simply recommit. But here is the thing, and it’s critically important, if you feel bad, guilty and ashamed about it, you will go back into the stuckness. That former “back burner” will move back there indefinitely. Instantly forgive yourself, and look at what you need to put in place to ensure you stay committed. Take that one day or one week as an opportunity to look at your life and make some additional changes. Get more refined.  Put some new things in place in your life- ask a friend to keep you accountable; get some help; shuffle your schedule. Do whatever it takes.

Let’s make 2014 one rockin’ year full of fulfilled dreams and clean and organized homes! I met with an organizational expert and she starts next week. I feel so empowered and excited. Believe that your back burners can be your reality. After all, at the end of the day, we will be either left doing the things we said we are going to do, or with our excuses. Make it happen!

Pure Yoga Bliss

“I LOVE YOU”. It was almost a scream. No, just a really firm shout. “I LOVE YOU”. I LOVE you”. “I love YOU”. I heard it over and over. There I lay in shavasana, during one of the more powerful practices I’ve had in a few months. During this practice, there was a ton of breath, lot’s of space and silence, and a huge pool of sweat! It had all the makings for pure yoga bliss. But after all of my years of practicing, I had never experienced this.The voice was so clear, so firm, but loving at the same time. I just listened, not quite sure who was talking. As the voice continued, I pictured all of me. The me that I didn’t like so much and the me that I did like. I pictured my body, the body I’ve been struggling with for as long as I can remember. “I love you.” I saw my insecurities, my doubts, and my fears. "I love you”. I saw myself in a handstand. “I love you”. I saw myself teaching yoga, I saw myself with my family, and I saw myself with friends. “I love you”. The voice became softer and softer. I relaxed even more. I get it. I feel an easy and warm smile from the inside out. I am loved, fully and completely, just the way I am. I am love. Pure yoga bliss. Namaste.

Meet Fiona and Felix

About a year ago, my son Garrett asked for a kitten for his birthday. My husband Mark and I tried to brush him off with replies like "we will see", "maybe", and "aren't the two dogs enough"? We also tried telling him that Mom and Dad are allergic to cats (this is true, by the way) and even asked him what happens if our dogs want to eat the kitten? Nothing seemed to work and our persistent son won out. But as Garrett's birthday (May 12th) started quickly approaching, I found myself regretting the decision even more. I've never really considered myself a cat person and just don't really like them. You can't take cats for a walk or hike, or to the lake to swim and when you call them, they often don't come. I haven't met too many friendly cats either. What's their draw? I decided that cats were just not for me. The sneezing when I was in the same room with one made this decision even easier.

But I had to follow through on my word to Garrett. A few weeks ago, I connected with a great organization called Pet Tail's Rescue. They recently drove a big van to South Carolina and brought back 13 dogs and 13 cats from a high kill shelter. I let Garrett have the day off from school and we went to visit one of these little kittens to see if this was going to be Garrett's new life-long playmate.

It took me less than 5 minutes to not only fall in love with the boy kitten that Garrett picked, but also his sweet sister. We drove away that afternoon with not just one kitten, but two sweet, playful little kittens. Since that day, they both continue to melt my heart. I smile every time I see them, laugh at how they play and soften when I see them sleep.

It's so easy to decide that we are one way or another or that we fit into a fixed type (cat people or dog people). It's so easy to decide that we don't have to open our heart to people, places, things and circumstances. After all, protecting ourselves and our heart is the safe thing to do, right? Felix and Fiona, two little beings that I couldn't have possibly imagined in my life a year ago, reminded me what comes from an open mind and an open heart. It feels really good to love these little beings. It feels open and expansive and so much better than not loving all cats at all. And so far, our allergies have not kicked up (crossing my fingers that is stays that way).

What can you open yourself up to today? Do you have an unexpected Fiona and Felix in your life that will open your heart to something bigger?

Loving Not Being Right

I was so excited this past Friday. One of my yoga students is a running coach for a team of school age girls. We arranged a special class just for them and I couldn’t wait to teach these girls (ages 8-11) yoga. I also planned for my daughter Anna, who is 7, to come along with me. I thought it would be fun to have her take a class with girls close to her age.  At the last minute, Anna asked to bring a friend and we picked her up on the way to the studio.

As we waited for the other girls to arrive, Anna and her friend were very helpful as they set up the mats, blocks and straps. They also had a nice time trying some new yoga poses and just goofing around. After the team of girls arrived, Anna’s behavior quickly went south. She clearly had the “I’m not up for listening to Mom” type of attitude and was often doing things on her mat that were completely different than the rest of the group. She was giggling, over the top silly and pretty disruptive.

My mind went into a crazy tail spin. I found myself wanting to be available and enthusiastic with the girls from the team, but at the same time, angry, and frustrated with Anna. I ended up removing Anna and her friend from class, but often still had to check on them and tell them to keep quiet. No matter how many glaring looks of “you are in trouble and wait until we get home” I shot in Anna’s direction, she wasn’t seeing them.  At the same time, the girls from the team were awesome. They were focused, enthusiastic, and willing and I was having a blast teaching them.

We got in the car after class and I think you could probably see the steam coming out of my ears. I talked to Anna and her friend about respect and what kind of situation they put me in. After all, they distracted me from my class in my yoga studio, right? I even told Anna that she had lost her screen time privilege’s for the day, maybe for the full weekend, and maybe even for the whole week! I even told her that I wasn’t going to bring her back into the yoga studio again. And of course, this last part completely broke my heart.  I want my daughter to be a big part of my yoga studio and not forbid her from being there.

I caught up with my Mom after and when I told her what happened all she had to say was- Anna was just looking for your attention.  Yes, but she shouldn’t be behaving that way in my yoga studio, right?  I’m right… right? Over the next few hours, I started to think about what it was like for Anna to be in the studio with all of those girls receiving all of my attention. The next morning, Anna and I had a chat that started with me asking her what it was like for her to be in that yoga class? She said, “well Mommy, when you were coming around showing the poses, you only spent a few minutes with me and more time with the other girls”. She was right. We talked about what could happen next time for her to get the attention from me that she wanted and behave in a way that I could give my attention to her and the full class. She said she wanted to help me teach. I love that idea.

Needing to be right is a relationship crusher. It crushes us off from having a more loving relationship or a relationship at all with family, friends, work colleagues and anyone we want to connect with. When we get hurt, we may automatically feel a need to defend ourselves, to prove our point and to make us the good guy and “them” the bad guy. I was hurt by Anna’s actions during class.  As her mother, I believe I need to teach Anna how to behave in a way that’s courteous and respectful.  But seeing her point of view and working together to make sure we both understand each other opens our relationship up instead of closing a part of it off. Not only that, by proving her wrong and me right, I was only hurting myself more. There is a cost of needing to be right and it’s not worth it. Anna did ultimately receive a consequence for her behavior that day, but she will certainly be back in the studio and who knows, maybe teaching yoga some day soon.

Getting Out of the Mud

Do you feel stuck? Like, feet in the mud and you can’t move no matter how hard you try to lift your legs stuck? Being stuck is such a powerless feeling. You may feel stuck around your job, the relationship you have with a friend or family member, or maybe an illness of someone you love.  Feeling stuck can leave us feeling pretty resigned and complacent, like things will never be any different. For me, I’ve often wondered- how do I ever get myself out of this mess? I can’t see a way out.

For the past few month, I’ve been feeling really stuck around my work schedule. I’ve got too much on my plate and it’s dragging me down.  Yes, I am doing everything I love- hanging with my husband and 3 kids, teaching yoga, creating a beautiful yoga community and continuing to work on my accounting and finance career.  But it ‘s one of those situations where I have too much to do and not enough time to do it in.  I’m sure everyone reading this probably feels the same way about their own schedule! I’m have been feeling overwhelmed and trapped.

Thankfully, I recently had a shift. Thanks to a personal transformation training I attended over the weekend, I now see things differently and I’ve tried it on for myself.

What if we choose what we have? I choose my work schedule. As soon as I said it out loud, I began to relax.  Yes, I choose it!  I choose my work schedule. Now, here comes the shift. I choose to feel calm and peaceful around my work schedule. Is that possible? Well, it wasn’t possible when I was fighting with my work schedule. It wasn’t when I hated my work schedule and I was just looking to fix it. It wasn’t possible when I felt victim to my work schedule and I was so focused on being at the mercy of my work schedule. This feels powerful. I can choose what I have and when I do, I can choose my way of being around that choice. This doesn’t mean I have to like my choice.  Choosing what we have creates ownership.  Since I’ve made this shift, I do feel much more calm and at ease.  I actually feel like I’ve made more time for myself and I’m more focused. I even feel more creative.  Now, if I choose to make a change, I know that I’m making that happen, it’s not happening to me.

I’m no longer stuck in the mud. My feet are on dryer ground and I feel like I can walk or even sprint in any direction I CHOOSE.  How about you? What’s in your life that you choose for yourself?

Dear Blog

Dear Blog~How are you? It’s been a while since I’ve come to visit. I can understand if you’ve been feeling a little neglected. It has been a few months after all. But know that I’ve been thinking of you every day. And often, in my car or in my kitchen, I think of a rockin’ topic to write about. I even think through how the blog entry will begin and how it may end.

So why haven’t I sat down to write it all out, you ask? I think I’ve gotten into some traps that a lot people can get into. Sometimes writing and sharing my thoughts openly and freely can be scary. It can be easy to avoid things we are afraid of. Sometime I think the idea or post needs to be really really good in order to be posted. It can be easy to have that “all or nothing” attitude. And lastly, it’s hard to admit that I’ve been prioritizing less important but more urgent things ahead of you. It can be easy to let others demands of our time take priority over things that really make our heart sing.

As you can see, I have some great excuses why I haven’t written. But I am writing here today. And surprisingly, just taking this step today was pretty easy. I’m grateful for that. I hope you are too.

My Best- Tara

The Real Thing

My friend Heather died last week. There. I wrote it and now it’s out there. It’s extraordinarily sad and it totally sucks. She left behind a loving husband, two young children and friends and family that are in worlds of sadness and pain. Heather was one of those people that the more you got to know her, the more you liked her. She was scary smart, but also modest and really patient. She died after a year long and hard fought battle with pancreatic cancer. When traumatic things happen, I find that I can resort to the facts. I can tell a story that I can stand behind. I’ve created a script or something that I can share with a neighbor when I bump into them at Stop and Shop. For me, it allows me to stay in a safe zone where I won’t break down crying in the parking lot in front of my kids. It allows me to keep functioning throughout my day.

Last week I went to visit a friend, that I can see a lot of myself in, at Mass General Hospital. She was full of cancer and when I saw her I was quickly reminded of what my grandmother looked like when she died of cancer over 25 years ago. I felt heartbroken when I talked to Heather’s husband knowing that at some point he would be a widow and left taking care of 2 children that are the same ages of two of my own. What would my life be like if my husband died? I walked out of the hospital planning out my return trip and wondering how much more suffering Heather could bear. I went to the beach that night with my family, feeling extraordinarily grateful but also guilty- I wish Heather and her family could also enjoy this beautiful summer night at the beach. Why her? I received a text from a mutual friend the following morning. Heather died in her sleep. My whole body sobbed. Thank you God that I had a chance to see her before she left this earth. Memories of our time together came flooding in. I could hear her laugh in my mind- she had the best laugh ever! How could she not be here any more? How could she not be a text message away?

I’m sad. I’m numb. When I talk about my friend dying last week, I may cry. But know that if I do, you’ll be hearing my truth and the real thing.